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You will notice I have not named my former employer. I have not because my problems are not a result of any malice on their part. I actually enjoyed working with them on a personal level. They are good people. It is just the shift and the chemicals were killing me. Others skin can endure those working conditions, mine cannot. I had to leave. It is as simple as that. I bear them no ill will.

They did switch my shift. I was not pleased about that. But that was just business.

Ulimately, I had to leave because of the chemicals burning me and the heat of the job, dirt of the job led to infection.

The skin is the largest organ of our body. If it is compromised, it can be deadly.

There was no way to mitigate this in my case other than to get a new job.

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0447 hours up an no alarm. My body clock is just about back in tune.

No one is ever putting me on third shift again.

I am getting my strength back too. It is because I am Sleeping and not getting ate up by chemicals. The infection is almost all gone.

My job Aint killing me anymore.

I stopped that shit.

Stick up for yourselves. Don’t let your job kill you.

I have no problem with a strong work ethic but don’t subscribe to that shit to a point it kills you.

If my employer had left me on first shift, I would not have been exposed to those chemicals and the sleep deprivation. I would still be there.

They broke the deal. It led to me getting ill. I am gone.

I ain’t dying for a job.

The equipment they provided for my protection was not sufficient.

It was not protecting me from the chemicals. In fact, one boss told me to take off some of the PPE and that really made me take notice. They were not concerned with my health.

I am.

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See the green? It means infection. It is getting better now. It is because of, in part, my former job. My skin can’t endure the working conditions. I have been treating it myself. It was a lot worse. I had to leave that job. It really was endangering me. It was in several ways. That is just one spot. There are others.

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My body was getting no rest to restore itself. Every night those chemicals were eating me too. This is after not working for five days. It is still bad. There are patches on both arms like this. This is just one. I have removed most of infection. It really had me drained. Then my brother had me moving him. It has been hell on me these last few days. I have been way ill. I didn't really let on near as much as I could have.

My body was getting no rest to restore itself. Every night those chemicals were eating me too. This is after not working for five days. It is still bad. There are patches on both arms like this. This is just one. I have removed most of infection. It really had me drained. Then my brother had me moving him. It has been hell on me these last few days. I have been way ill. I didn’t really let on near as much as I could have.

Do not tell me I am not tough. Do not tell me I have not lived in utter misery for the length of my employment.

I have.

I finally said no more.

I offer no apology.

When I called off sick the other day with a fever, it was because of the infection in my chemical burns.

Still, I went to work the next five days. It was then I had to help my brother move, essentially myself.

How I made it I still don’t know.

My muscles also ached and rebelled because of the infection.

I finally decided to look out for me.

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City creatures, the city life versus the country creatures, and the country life

Wild.

Wild life, ‘wilderment.

Wilderness inside each creature

feature stories, true detective truth and lie, private eye for the public spectacle

Biology colonels bypassing majors and experimenting on minors.

City citizens corporation unlimited diversified management property groups and human embellishment

wild eyed country boy with a sore thumb all green on concrete, not happening hot stuff, three card molly is not played in hillywood but we ain’t stupid. What you call
Street?
It is a road to us, usually rocky.

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World Wrestling Entertainment is hiring a writer and writer’s assistant. I know. I looked. I won’t be applying. Have to live in or near NYC. You know I won’t go there.

It ain’t a fit for me. It might be a dream job for one of you bastards.

I am a writer and NYC is the hub. I don’t lub NYC though, at all.

You can write, “I’ll kick your arse.”

That is right. I have a whole arsenal ready to kick your arse.

I hail from Arsenal Island you land lubbers.

There is a new character in town mate.

I would be good at that job.

But I don’t do NYC.

I am the pirate though. I can steal your title anytime I want.

That ship has sailed.

My ship has came in.

Apply for this job!

I am not. Part of me wants to. But it ain’t right for me.

I really have no desire to move to that city, or any like it.

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World. Whole damn world, Jeff Strobbe is a good worker. But he does not work graveyard shift well, at all. If you put him on it, you lose him.

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Mad. Talented. And available to some lucky people.

Get lucky?

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Strength, main strength? I know I have baggage. We all do.

I don’t want you to hire me if you don’t feel I am qualified. I don’t expect you to hire me.

I want to be wanted. I work better then. I will be volatile at times. It is a part of me…. I won’t hurt you though.

But I can stay put and do well, extremely well in right place.

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It is incumbent upon both of us to have an understanding going in.

At will employment....

At will employment….

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The old Strobbe is back. God help us all.

It truly is a good thing though. Mostly.

I had tabled myself believe it or not.

Now I am going to assert my will more forcefully again.

It ain’t exactly my way or highway but it will be close.

Get ready to scratch your heads and be amazed. God only knows what I will do now. 😄

I am a maverick. It is what I am.

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God, it’s Jeff the “damn fool” Strobbe. Hello. I need a day job. Amen.

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God, I took that last job and was hired for days. Then they put me on third shift. It was killing me. I was being sacrificed.

I refused to be sacrificed.

I am going to library first. It is a day and or second shift job. I can and will thrive there.

I can be in bed at midnight and not on the clock.

I am sorry about screwing my former employers. They never apologized for screwing me.

I tried my best. You know I did.

But they were going to keep me on graveyard shift. I was not having it.

I put up with my former graveyard shifts because of my clients and I
had more days off to recover….

But I can not work 6-7 graveyard shifts!

I am not a devil, God.

I just am looking out for me. I was useless to myself and others in this former job.

I ain’t looking for any fortune, just a life.

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It is 0514 and I am awake. No alarm. Morning person. I am not living as a night person anymore and going against my natural self. It ain’t healthy.

I told person who hired me that I am a morning person and that I am adversley affected by working thirds.

They nodded and said I was days, swore I was days.

Then they put me on thirds.

I did it. I tried. But it was killing me.

I told them. They didn’t care.

I am gone now. I care.

They were looking out for themselves.

I am looking out for me.

I can’t work 6 or 7 thirds and have any hope of physical and mental health.

I refuse to do it anymore.

I don’t hate the people. I liked job. I hated shift, killing me.

That is the exact opposite of what a livelihood is for.

If I am going to die, I will at least get to sleep some first,

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The library is hiring part-time. I will apply there today. The library is not open all night. I have worked the job they are hiring for before. I do really have a plan. It is to write again, for real again. And I used to love books, and learning. I just became too jaded.

I have no idea if they will hire me. It is a place I “fit” though.

Perhaps it is more true to say used to fit?

I may fit though.

I used to be a genuine learner, educator, person who valued such notions.

I see myself writing mostly non-fiction now though.

It is where my heart and head is currently.

I am not the writer I once was, but I can be again.

In fact, I can be even better than I was. As it is, I was pretty damned good at writing non-fiction.

I was always better at that than poetry and fiction, even though I have often excelled there too.

When I worked at DOE site, the project manager called my radiological section of a transportation and disposal plan the best section of the whole damn plan.

Part of my plan is to continue learning and writing on guns, shooting and self defense. Only I plan to make it pay too.

I plan to write a book(s) on Air Gun training also.

I have a lot to offer new shooters especially.

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I don’t really have a plan. I just know that I can’t be up all night. I didn’t ask to be born. If I must be here, I sleep at night.

Life is not some grand thing to me. I know it may be to you, probably.

I used to buy into the whole life is grand thing. It truly may be grand. I just have not seen this to be the case.

I just know I am not a person willing to work all night and be so damn tired when I am off all I do is sleep and am still tired.

It is not a life I want.

So I am pitching it and starting over.

It is what it is.

I don’t mind working. I just can’t do it at night.

Have I said that enough? 😄

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Third shift kills.

My body was rebelling. It was not going to stop. It was not going to get better.

Perhaps some people can tolerate thirds. Perhaps they are willing to.

I tried. I really did.

But it was killing me.

I was not willing to participate in my own demise anymore.

Add to that the chemical burns and the zero chance of getting off night shift, and the zombie state I was constantly in that made my waking hours a waste too.

And I made right choice for me.

I may have let my employer down.

But I told them, I didn’t want nights and they said I was days.

I was nights.

I CANNOT DO THAT!

My eyes were all blood shot the other day and are just finally returning to normal.

My head hurt constantly.

I had no energy.

My mind was in a fog.

I was tired all the time.

I had no life at all.

I was having cold/flu symptoms every day.

It was not, is not worth it!

I don’t know what I will do. It won’t be third shift though.

I have money saved and it ain’t as if I am not talented.

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On my terms

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In everything, every aspect, is in my control. It is the same for you. I know it may not appear so.

And this control does not come pain free. It is yours though.

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Jeff Strobbe is dead. Long live Jeff Strobbe. The habitual obituary of me. And the reincarnation of me….

Looking for perpetual bliss, as much as possible given entropy.

The stability of a system is both intrinsic and illusion.

It is motion not cause and effect.

Jane? Jane does not ever kick.

She died addicted.

My addiction has been to some misplaced sense of duty to endure what I don’t want to, even to the point of misery.

Well, tonight, I kicked.

I need a new drug though.

I do. We all probably do, except a fortunate few.

***

Addicted to a “job.”

I was. I ain’t no more.

I am doing the “wrong” thing.

It is right for me though.

***

I have work to do.

My work is to fix my life to where I am happy.

I am doing that.

I have few obligations to anyone.

I have no dependents.

I am glad for that.

If I did, I would be moored to the dock and under command of some other than myself when I am the captain and the vessel.

***

We are in life together. It does not mean we are meant to be proximal to one another. This separation is often necessary.

I pretty much always knew I was aloof. It is not a completion. It is damn close though.

I am not disavowing others. I am asserting myself.

I must get out of the job I am in.

It has to be, had to be immediate.

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The “end” of, Jeff Strobbe as we knew him

I “saw” this coming. My whole life has and has not prepared me for this moment.

The whole be true to yourself thing. How can I do that?

I accepted a job where I was to work days. They put me on thirds.

That is not my true self. It is killing me, and literally ruining my days.

Well no more.

It ain’t just that.

It is a lot more than that. But the other things have similar themes.

I don’t want it anymore, a “false” self.

I work days. I sleep nights.

This is my life and I run it. I may run it into ground, in fact I know I will but that is what I am doing.

This is my life and I run it. I may run it into ground, in fact I know I will but that is what I am doing.

***

I may die. I am already dead though.

It ain’t about the “people.”

It, this is about me and I am not happy.

Clean break, A “jail break.”

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I TOTALLY disagree that OSU response was “model,” or even adequate. There were 10 or 11 injured. And as tyranny has it, most won’t be able to carry handguns on campus even if HB 48 passes. See law requires persons be 21 years of age to own a handgun. But all can carry pepper spray. Pepper spray is inexpensive and generally effective. Buy it, carry it and train to use it. Yes it requires training. Police recommend Sabre Red gel. There is a correct technique to hold and operate spray. Sweep eyes side to side. Operate spray with thumb. See a quality trainer’s video. Getting sliced or stabbed is not acceptable.

We ALL are responsible for our survival. Sure cops and politicians make it more difficult.

Still, there are things we can and should do!

I know this appears that I may be blaming victims. That would be fair to say.

It is our duty to protect ourselves.

Being nice to you won’t stop you from getting hurt by some ass-hole.

There is also movement and strike possibilities with Pepper Spray deployment.

In other words move out of path correctly, and punch SOB possibly. But first objective is to stay clear of attackers weapon, whatever it is.

If you hold spray correctly you will add substance to your punch, and should maintain control of spray.

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You may not want to be, or like it, but you are a soldier.

Sucks.

Oh well. What Ya gonna do?

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I repeat, Blue Lives Matter

Everyone knows I slam police. I don’t deny it.

But they have the right to life and liberty like all of us!

The Tacoma officer who died recently was trying to save two children.

The scumbag who killed the officer used those children as human shields.

Eventually an unnamed officer had an open shot at the scumbag and took scumbag out.

Cops do that. Do you? Do I? I don’t. Maybe you do.

Cops for all their faults have noble qualities.

And none of us are perfect.

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Blue Lives Matter

I support that.

I don’t support murdering police. I make no apology for that.

I make no apology for criticizing police.

But I don’t support murdering period.

I support self defense.

And of course black lives matter. All lives matter.

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Not a fan of the “Truck Gun.” BUT tyranny makes it a “requirement?”

A “truck gun” is a gun left in your vehicle all the time. It is a bad idea. It is.

But, if you can’t have a CHL or a loaded gun in your car, it is still a bad idea.

What am I saying?

It is a bad idea.

BUT not having a gun is a bad idea too.

See the laws denying you and me a loaded gun are horrible laws.

They put us in legal and mortal jeopardy.

In my Ohio context, and your state may be different, I can have an unloaded gun in passenger compartment. It MUST meet legal
Definition of unloaded.

For me there is another problem too. I don’t want some scumbag stealing my gun and using it to hurt someone or even themself.

But I also don’t want to be without a gun or have to keep taking it to and from car.

That increases chances of bad things happening.

So to where I am going….

Taurus makes guns that can be locked so they won’t function….

There are also gun locks for most guns that render them unusable, to a point.

I hear many people say an inexpensive gun is a good truck gun because of its low cost if stolen. That is INSUFFICIENT.

We don’t want a scumbag stealing our guns.

CHLs are tyranny and cause lots of problems, way more than they solve.

Train. Know your laws and if you can only have an unloaded gun, you better be able to get to it and load it fast when you need it.

But honestly, most of time you won’t be able to.

In other words, because of CHL and other tyranny, you will probably die without a defensive firearm.

You cops and politicians with your damn gun control tyranny make the world much less Safe!

I am left with no choice but to mitigate the danger you bastards create.

I train for my sitrep. I equip for same. I have no other choice.

I have no gun in my car now. I won’t either until I work this out.

I don’t want a scumbag stealing a gun from me.

Also, CHL holders better consider these notions too. Leaving a loaded gun in you car or even an unloaded one is a bad idea!

But the damn “genius” cops and politicians still make you do it.

For example, if you are carrying and must enter an area where guns are prohibited, you must leave your gun in your car. We have already established that is a bad idea.

Criminals are opportunistic. If they see you leave your firearm in your vehicle, and they can get it, they will.

Or if they see you handling your piece, and you are oblivious to your surroundings, they may just come and take it from you.

See all these damn laws force you to reveal and handle your gun in public.

That is a bad idea!

Not to mention, criminals don’t follow gun laws anyway.

The only things gun laws do is place good people in danger!

It is all they do.

Cops and politicians endanger us all.

Support them and their bull shit at your own peril.

You cops and politicians are a menace to society. You really are.

Also, being in a car is almost always an extreme tactical disadvantage to begin with! Your fields of vision and mobility are extremely compromised.

Hell, look at all the cops being executed in their cars. And they have their guns on their hip.

See people feel way to safe in their vehicles. Truth is they are death traps.

Being in a vehicle is a bad place to be under fire. Often times your only option will be to return fire and that better be fast.

I have other options I am considering.

I suggest you get some type of armor and shielding cops.

Everyone. You are in danger in your vehicle, armed or not.

You better train and equip for surviving in your vehicle and it better be more than just having a firearm.

I told you all to give shields to cops, and you should, it would greatly increase their odds of survival.

I am currently building a shield system for such deployments.

Cars don’t stop most rounds. Cars cannot outrun any round. Nope.

I don’t like cops really. I do try to save them though.

Train and equip your cops to egress their vehicles tactically. Body armor alone won’t do it. You need shields too.

Egress won’t always be possible so shields used in conjunction with body armor will help.

Body armor is static. It does not cover all areas. Shields can be moved to provide additional protection.

They can buy cops time to move and return fire!

If cop can’t move, they can move shield in a manner to buy time to return fire while providing required protection from perp’s rounds.

Also, I have told you to build protection into cop’s cars!

It would save many cops.

The poor bastards are sitting ducks.

I am not without empathy for cops.

I guarantee you I put more thought into saving cops than cops put into saving me.

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We really do need to watch Trump.

Thing is, we have needed to watch all our leaders, and very few have.

Because of this failure, America has become a very dangerous place.

I described it as Stockholm Syndrome. I heard Kennedy describe Cuba as such on Fox News the other day and I just laughed.

She must not realiZe that Americans worship their hostage takers too.

Look at how Gov. Kasich described the OSU attack response?

He said it was a “model” for the nation.

Not my nation.

And cops are not our protectors, quite the opposite.

Them Columbus cops and state and federal versions all know there is a terror cell there.

They all know we need our guns.

They don’t care. Why? Tyranny.

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You have the right to burn the flag, if it is your flag. You do not have right to burn another’s flag. Personally, the flag means little to nothing to me anymore. It never will again. It is our flag though. The flag is merely propaganda now. It is our flag though.

I am not wrong about the flag. It is just propaganda. All it used to stand for is fiction now.

I know I will never forget what happened to me.

I will never have a bond again with the people of this nation.

It would take a miracle.

There is always that chance though.

Hell, the flag truly represents an armed Republic of individuals.

That is gone. Gone.

See, you also have the right to protect your life. But guess what?

People with that flag on their arm will arrest or shoot you if you are armed.

That is a fact!

Hell, just yesterday ten were injured by a non-citizen and Kasich called the response “model.”

Well, so much for the flag.