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My Grandma Strobbe died today. 😕

    Joseph, Mildred (holding me), Jerome, Christine, Deborah

I had heard she was doing better. I was again sort of caught off guard.

I am sad.

I didn’t know until I wrote this post.

Everything else I wrote today came before this post.

I am glad I at least sent my thoughts.

She is in heaven now.

She was 94 plus years old.

She joins my aunt Debbie and my grandfather and my other kin who also have passed on such as my greats, grandma O’Donnell and Grandma Humboldt.

My beloved Valentine. She never left us. Grandma O’Donnell never either. She just died earlier. We used to play a game called carrom. And cards too. Me and my greats.

It was not always bad.

But then it was and it never changed back….

I do wish things had been different.

I never knew what to do.

And I was so angry.

***

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrom

***

https://carrom.com/shop/carrom-game-board/

***

For you, Grandma.

I love you,

Jeffrey Scott Strobbe

***

You have to watch this.

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My latest thing (remember that post?) (all fibrous armor) stopped both rounds of 9mm FMJ I fired into it from 3 feet away. I am so stoked!

This armor section can stand alone against handguns and be a section of my rifle armor.

This is a huge step. It means my armor will be incredibly light.

My armor is getting so good.

Here it is.  Back is first and front last. No penetration on back. I also shot it with 22LR and BBs and pellets.

It is really performing well. I have not weighed section but it is essentially nothing.

Remember when I showed you the Polenar Tactical video  where Manca used Fiberfix and it only stopped 22LR and I told you I could fix

that?

Well I have.

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I will be spending a range session from 10-12 today and apparently in rain. Slinging in the rain.

I am going rain or not. It is time.

i have not fixed my Pico yet.

I doubt I will before range session.

I want to shoot my 9 mm anyway and test two armor sections.

I have time so I may work on that Pico first. But I tend to doubt it.

More likely I wait, I don’t want to be in a hurry doing it.

Dont expect video. I still have no place to put it,

I likely will video but for my eyes only to review my performance.

My 9mm, and 223 Remington are going for sure.

Today, among the things I will do is firing solutions from vehicles and “buildings.” I will be shooting from an old bus. I can use it to simulate a building too.

Now, I will have to move. That is in a dark confined space.

Now I tend to move in my “missions” with gun holstered. Or if rifle, “slinged.”

I do this on purpose. Moving with a gun in close quarters is dangerous.

There are times to move with platform at ready. But my research says that it is better to secure the weapon first many times.

I find this especially true for civilian “mission.”

I pretty much guarantee you some people will disagree with my notion on this.

But I have my reasons and my mission.

I am quite fortunate to have found this particular range.

It affords me such an opportunity to train and train well.

It is raining but I can stay mostly dry.

Note:

Firing from vehicles is illegal by Ohio statute. It is “allowed” for self defense. If you do it, You better be right. But that is everytime.

You can train like that too as long as you do it at allowed locations etc.

Most ranges you cannot do stuff like this.

But guess what, you are not likely to have a clear firing lane in a dang gun fight.

and fast?

I ain’t even going to be trying to go fast today. Fast is often over rated and problematic especially for civilians.

Slow.

Yep. Slow.

People may disagree with me on this too. It is fine.

Slow.

***

KEEP IT IN THE BERM

***

 

Anybody see how beautiful my brake barrel is yet. Light, OMG light. And short, OMG short. And I only have 1 shot. No sling really required?

***

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Anybody ever try to kill you?

‌I don’t talk about it a lot. I try to forget. Ironic since there is so much I am trying to find out.

It changed me.

But when I say I know the feeling, I mean it.

I have been there.

There is a cold hard mean aspect to me. This stems from knowing what it is like to be attacked with deadly intent.

Getting hit by that car door mirror never really phased me.

It was nothing compared to what I have experienced.

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Part of reason I am in a pissy mood is my grandmother is in ICU. I found out a few days ago. We are estranged. But it hit me harder than I thought it would. It is a long story. But there is a lot of the little boy in me who loves her.

‎It is my father’s mom. Her name is Mildred. I have not seen my father since I was 8. My grandmother was in my life for about ten more years.

I have not seen her since I was 18, 52 now.

I have had no contact with her and that won’t likely directly change.

I did send word to her via my sister who is in contact with her and my father.

My sister is only one who contacts my father and vice versa.

My sister was only three when my dad left. She does not know what living with him was like.

The last thing my  father gave me?

A gun.

I am pretty good with a gun.

For the longest time, I didn’t know my sister was communicating with my father. No one told me.

They knew I would not approve.

But I never told my sister not to communicate with him. I just cautioned her.

I don’t run other’s lives.

My father has never attempted to contact me, or I him other than one time and my grandfather would not give me his info.

That conversation went quite badly, my fault mostly.

That was last time I talked with my grandfather.

I wish I could do it over.

I can’t.

But there are things that my entire family has kept secret from me. And things I can’t completely recall that happened to me as a child.

There is no way I can tell you about it all.

I don’t remember and no one has ever told me.

They may not know either.

You have no idea what it is like being me.

You can read X all you desire.

***

They left us behind, all of them. My father, my grandfather and my grandmother.

And my father, he really did a number on me. All of us, but especially me.

And then they all left.

That, I recall.

And I recall growing up in the projects.

What a life I have survived.

Lived?

I died a long time ago.

I really did. I remember that too.

***

You ever seen anyone better than me?

***

By the time I was 8, I had already survived three attempts in my life, that I can remember.

There were likely more.

There are reasons I don’t have shaky hands. I been there before.

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See, they feel the same about me as I do about them. I can be on a picnic?

Picnic Jeff

I am a kind bastard.

Generally.

I am likely gonna be lazy.

Hey, why not?

I can do lazy, late, shoddy, all of it.

LO thanks for calling Our establishment. I got a name. What is your phone number area code first please?

Deluvery or Digiorno?

What you know comprende the lingo?

Hold on let me get the person in charge,

Nobody ever trained me to answer phone. True story.

I guess I have free rein.

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First Waco

And there Jesus was on the cross between two criminals also on crosses.

And it got dark.

The betrayal.

The return?

All Sinners Casting.

What the hell kind of Baptist are you?

You feel the tug on your soul?

And the government was a bunch of pagans. And I guess there was a feud amongst Jews. And there was this Jesus who was called Christ.

It kind of fits. I mean, you ever just say, “Oh Christ. Or just, Christ?”

for Christ’s sake
A mild oath of surprise, exasperation, annoyance, frustration, or anger. For Christ’s sake! I haven’t seen you in years! Would you let me finish my story, for Christ’s sake? Oh for Christ’s sake, I just had the car fixed and now you’ve put a dent in it!
See also: sake
Farlex Dictionary of Idioms. © 2015 Farlex, Inc, all rights reserved.

-Nicotinedemus

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I don’t know about work yet. I released a premium shift Saturday. Why should I bother with closing tonight? It ain’t like it matters to me anymore.

‍I just ain’t in the mood to be there. If I go in, and it is iffy, I probably go in late.

I don’t want to deal with those people. I am tired of being kind to them.

They don’t  deserve it.

I only do it for me.

It is all fake now.

I don’t really like them. They get on my nerves with their constant bull shit.

And they slack. God do they ever.

I am tired of getting the shaft.

And I don’t even want to work with Cuz, if Cuz shows up.

If Cuz don’t show up, I don’t want to cover.

And Cuz is lazy, OMG.

and there is another driver who is so lazy and annoying that I just can’t deal.

And the boss and the supervisors are a pain in the ass.

I about laughed my ass off as my boss was scrambling to cover for Cuz.

I hope Cuz shows up.

I doubt I do.

I think it is over.

I just don’t see me playing nice anymore.

And I have reached point I can’t even put up with shit on premium shifts.

I just don’t want to be there.

***

i so don’t.

***

Hahahaha

***

Preacher,

This Dude Jesus, what would he do?

See, I have no idea. And even if I did, they crucified him. You say that helped me. I don’t see how.

Later.

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Subject X: Preacher

So good works ain’t doing me much good huh?

I can kind of see that preacher.

I am not in the choir, in the car. But your sermon comes to the car, preaching to the car.

My name is X preacher.

You are a Baptist.

So God punishes evil.

And gives grace.

But I see what you mean about good works not meaning much.

That is the God’s truth I believe.

We are supposed to believe the blood of the lamb saved us.

If we don’t, we are a lost cause.

I just don’t know about all that though.

But I hear you on the work.

I am with you on grace of God too.

It is the lamb and the blood I ain’t into.

Work is a waste of time though.

It really is.

Working to save others? Waste of time.

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Monday is not looking like a go either. In fact, I may not show up all week.

‎I just ain’t into it.

They may have lost me for good.

I am not a fan anymore.

There are other jobs where I can try.

I am not appreciated and I don’t appreciate that.

I woke up and the crap is still there.

It is up to me.

I have tried to make it work.

That may be foolish on my part.

***

You understanding my situation?

When it comes time to explain how an employee should be, they point to me.

When they put out the schedule, the premium shifts go to the exact opposite of me.

Go figure.

And if I even show up now, they will be hard pressed to get me to a damn thing.

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OK. That is funny.

‎Tomorrow I may take the Nissan fender off. I am not sure though.

But it may do me some good.

We will see how I feel about it tomorrow.

And it may be time to seek other employment. I just am not vibing with my current job, obviously.

It is what it is.

I don’t know if it is fixable.

Because I was sitting in my car not wanting to be there in the least.

And today, the thought of going in to that dealio just was not something I was willing or able to deal with.

It is so crazy. I mean up is down and down is up, twilight zone kind of shit.

 

0

I don’t have any secret agenda. I know some may think I do. My boss might too especially given something I did. It was not bad. It was not part of any agenda. It was merely a gesture I could and wanted to do. It is the proof I mentioned before. What it is is not important. I did it because I don’t hate my boss.

She ain’t my favorite. But few are.

Somebody screwed my boss bad. She was sad. I could help. I did.

I don’t want my boss sad, true story Grandma.

I could of helped tonight.

But I been screwed.

I don’t have to help anyone.

I can help. I can choose not to.

It is my choice.

But I am being used.

I know that. Tonight I was not going to be used.

We are all users.

We are all addicts.

Crazy huh?

Some of us are drugs.

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My back is sore. I woke up stiff from nap. My boss texted me back, “OK.” Think she read my blog? You know I don’t care.

I still don’t know about Monday. I will see how my head is then. It is no longer about any of them.

It is all about how I feel now.

The fact they may have to work harder and longer because I ain’t there is not my concern.

Whether I return is not my concern now either.

It ain’t my place.

It is all theirs.

I just have to be kind to them. If I can’t, I won’t show up.

See, I really don’t want to be around them. They are irritants to me.

And when I get like this, it is best I just stay home.

😄

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Foul Bird Redundancy Principal

Or some shit flocked together.

Look if I am in a foul mood, and I go hang with others in a foul mood, that is a brood.

So I remove myself from the flock.

Birds of a feather or not.

I ain’t flipping the bird.

I am going out of my way not to.

***

See that oven doesn’t stop, nor the phones, and now it is snowing.

And the people there, even if they all show up will have some excuse as to why I should do every damn thing while they don’t.

Not tonight though.

I won’t be there. I won’t be doing anything at all there.

***

Hey maybe one of the new people will step up.

Hey maybe the closer will show.

I may never know.

It is OK.

0

I called off. My phone is off now. I won’t be in tonight. I don’t care who cares.

‎‍I just ain’t in the mood. I don’t feel like getting in the mood.

Now I get on with my day.

If I am in the mood, and not fired as I am not a Cuz, I may go in Monday.

I may not.

Look they may fire me.

It is OK.

I am not a Cuz.

I am not their friend.

I just work there but not tonight.

I busy.

It is their place.

They can have it all to themselves.

Look they tell me they like me. I know they don’t really.

It is OK.

I don’t have to show up.

I learned a long time ago that people are full of shit often times.

I don’t really care.

I am perfectly content alone.

***

***

I am in a foul mood.

So I am looking out for me.

I can’t guarantee I will be kind today.

I can’t.

So I stay home.

I don’t dislike these people. I just don’t completely fit.

***

I knew when I was sitting in my car yesterday that I was not gonna be coming in tonight.

These people just don’t get me.

So, I off.

You should have saw me in my Nissan then listening to country and smoking cigarettes.

I was laughing at my f’d up life so much.

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Can you blame me? I mean would you want to go in? See I go in and it is basically saying it is OK to apply different rules and standards to me. It ain’t.

‍It ain’t OK with me.

I don’t want to hear a damn thing from any of them.

I really ain’t into it.

I can not be any more clear.

It ain’t OK.

It ain’t fine. I ain’t your buddy. I ain’t your friend. I ain’t family.

What I am is someone who has been through this shit before who has no desire to do it again.

It is all about me now.

I just texted my boss and asked her to approve my shift release request.

I simply am in no mood to deal with that place and the people there tonight.

I am giving them as much notice as I can that I won’t be coming in tonight.

It is better for all. Cuz I ain’t in the mood.

I don’t hate them.

I hate working with them.

I hate it so much I may never go back.

I sure as hell don’t want to go tonight.

i just ain’t into it.

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Should Uber (other similar entities) drop off people at schools?

I mean it is alleged that an Uber driver dropped the alleged shooter off at the Florida HS.

I understand the accused confessed. It may or may not be true.

But say it is….

Should Uber etc. drop off people at schools?

I say no.

Schools contract or provide transportation directly for a reason.

And access must be controlled.

I feel all rideshare entities should not transport to schools.

You ever transport people?

Access control is IMPERATIVE.

I help when I can. It is free. For you anyway, it is free. It tends to cost me.

It is both conceivable and possible for Uber and others to contract with schools and develop maintain adequate security protocols first.

But until such time as that happens, I think the service should be prohibited.

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I don’t want to work with Cuz. Even if Cuz shows up, I don’t want to be there.

Either way, Cuz may or may not show up.

I don’t want to be there anymore either way.

Cuz probably won’t show up. And they will want me to close and do more stuff to cover.

I already do more than everyone there.

And they screw me.

Tonight I doubt I show up regardless.

I don’t want to work with Cuz.

I don’t want to stay over for Cuz.

I don’t. And if I don’t feel like going in, I won’t.

I don’t care what any of the bosses have to say either, not GM or DM, any of them.

See the GM makes the schedule and the DM approves it. They both know Cuz does not show up.

And yet the beat goes on.

So they can drive.

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Saturday off is my favorite. I mean for now.

I see how Z people do it. I mean get days off.

There are like fifty ways, at least.

1. Get fired. Though listed first, it is not best way.

2. Just don’t show up. See reason #1.

3. Assorted excusable absence.

4. Ask for a release, to be free.

5. Call off.

6. Representative of many more….

7. Pay someone to work it for you

Enjoy your day off.

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The Shift Droption

‌I can drop the shift for tomorrow.

It is a prime shift, one of best you can get.

I am likely not gonna show up.

I ain’t into it.

I put in a release of shift request.

That is plenty of notice.

I don’t want to be there tomorrow.

I ain’t into it.

I so ain’t into it.

If not approved, I can always call off.

Cuz that is what happens and a stuff.

And I so ain’t into it.

To release means let go. I let the prime shifts go. They all yours.

Yep. It is Christmas.

M‍y release of this shift amorrow is my gift. It is the Shift gift.

My present is to not be present.

I so ain’t into it.

***

Sometimes it is better to simply be away.

It is better for me. You should know why by now.

I ain’t into it.

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Totally slacking right now like I was the cuz of the boss.

The rest of them bastards are in store. I am in Nissan smoking and listening to country.

You know I ain’t lying.

Cuz ain’t been here all week and still has 4 premium shifts and more hours than me.

I have one good shift next week and it still is worst closing shift.

Hey if I am not gonna get my due, I will just slack.

Watch me.

Cuz is supposed to close tonight too, ain’t here.

OK I eventually went in and finished the shift.

I saved one pizza for a customer too. Don’t tell anybody.

I think I pissed the supervisor off at same time, bonus.

I can be a bastard.

I said, “If a pizza order says banana peppers, is it supposed to have banana peppers?”

Then I got no answer.

The pizza had no banana peppers. So I went and washed my hands and got the requisite amount of banana peppers and put them on.

i saved the pizza. And the tomato supervisor was pissed.

But I don’t care anymore.

I will still try to help customers.

But I ain’t the cuz.

I got out of putting away truck for once but only because it was late.

It is funny how supervisors were talking and saying my name and how good I am and then they fuck me.

I am so freaking tired of that.

I made crap money this week.

I get shit shifts.

Yet the boss tells the rest to be like me.

Well now they may want to change their damned minds because I feel lazy coming on.

Aint nobody can do lazy like me.

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I have yet to drive Hyundai Accent since I drove it home from lot. People keep asking me when I am gonna drive it. I tell them Nissan is running just fine, and my mirror works. I will drive the Hyundai too. Eventually.

I am really excited about the Hyundai Accent I purchased. It is a good, clean little used car. It was very well taken care of. It was obtained at an incredible value.

But the Nissan too is a good little used car, and although rougher and ironically initially more expensive by a tad than the Hyundai, I love it.

It is just fine to drive.

And the Hyundai is a more than capable reserve.

I will tell you this about that Hyundai, people should not belittle it. It is actually quite refined.

You talk to your cars right. Don’t everybody?

Anyway, I told my Nissan I was sorry for mashing her. I told her I would fix her as best I could. I am incrementally.

And you know what else I told her? I told her that even though I bought Hyundai Accent that it don’t mean I didn’t still love her bunches.

And I mean it is Valentine’s Day or something.

And you know what? That Nissan loves me too.

You know her check engine light is off. It is, has been for a while.

And she is getting better every day.

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Bionic Tooth

The tooth, and nothing but the tooth

the tooth? You want to know the tooth? You can’t handle the tooth.

to tell the tooth

Tooth be told

be told, behold the tooth

it’s blue

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You ever get hit so hard it knocked a tooth out? I have several times.

I am trying to convey something(s) to you. It is difficult to put into words though.

When I showed you the pictures, it may help you understand what I am trying to convey.

What impact is made?

I still wonder what impact my smile has on a few people.

‍You believe in evolution?

I don’t, not really.

It is mostly “luck.”

It is “sudden.” At least the first one. Sometimes the second can be similar and so on. Best if not, better if avoided all together.

But that is a fairy tale, tooth fairy tale.

 

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You don’t really see yourself. Not really. Is this that stare? You ever see anything?

Remember when the car mirror hit me in the face?

I saw it coming. I felt it hit. There was  blood. It didn’t hurt then.

Truth is I was lucky. And it ain’t the first time for me. As those type things go, it was nothing.

But I remember looking in rear view mirror but only after looking to see what the hell I hit. I had no idea. I never saw it.

But I was not all that worried about me.

Here is part of the tooth that was broken.

***

I wasn’t a boxer doc. (The one that asked me.) MK Ultra

I am not a horse doc. (One who asked me what I was doing up walking around. He swore he gave me enough to knock out a horse.)

***

***

***

That picture is of me and I don’t recall when it was taken.

What was I thinking about?

Couldn’t tell ya. I don’t recall.

 

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Forward Looking Infrared: it can prevent ambushes

And radar too can and should be used. It will save lives!

Why walk into an ambush when you can avoid doing so?

Say you were told and had reason to believe a felon had guns? And then you get a hang up 911 call from home of felon, wouldn’t you want to know what you don’t know? And would you not want to use what you already knew to your advantage?

Etc.

I mean you can call me callous.

But it is not really acceptable to have police walk right in to an ambush.

It is insanity on everyone’s part.

In this video, you will see FLIR prevent an ambush.

“Don’t go.”

 

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Don’t go?

LO?

Click.

(now what?)

You went and called back.

(then what happened)

And why did you seemingly forget all that had happened before?

The most important thing missed is, police were told perp always had weapons and was a felon.

At that point, there was justification for a search warrant, at a minimum.

The perp still would have been “dangerous.” But the odds of a successful outcome were much greater.

In other words, the perp should have been in prison.

He should not have even been able to ambush those officers or threaten woman and child.

The system failed everybody.

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If there is a hang up 911 call, don’t go?

‏You are gonna go aren’t you.

So I suggest you consider different protocols.

I don’t know what perp used this time. I have not had time to review details.

I know two officers were ambushed again.

There are things that can be done.

The response can be at least partly and initially covert. And you have equipment that can determine number of people and their locations. And also you have listening devices.

In other words, don’t just walk right in.

It sounds like a rifle was used against the officers.

Why you don’t use shields is beyond me.

It is a high risk call. They all are.

Yet you keep walking right in.

There are literally different and better approaches.

In this case, you had been there before.

You may have been habituated.

Don’t  get habituated.

***

Ok I have started reviewing and one important thing I learned is PD knew he was always armed and was a felon.

Their is no shame in being prudent.

And the guy was a known scumbag. Why the lady stayed with him, or even took up with him is unknown.

It is the opposite of conflict avoidance merely being in the presence of violent criminals.

It is asking for trouble.

So don’t answer the call?

You still are aren’t ya.

Don’t hang with scum. If you do, don’t be surprised when you pay for it.

See this ended all wrong.

If someone had to die, let it be the scumbag.

I don’t care who does it. The lady, the police or even the child.

***

See the addictions here?