It is my father’s mom. Her name is Mildred. I have not seen my father since I was 8. My grandmother was in my life for about ten more years.
I have not seen her since I was 18, 52 now.
I have had no contact with her and that won’t likely directly change.
I did send word to her via my sister who is in contact with her and my father.
My sister is only one who contacts my father and vice versa.
My sister was only three when my dad left. She does not know what living with him was like.
The last thing my father gave me?
I am pretty good with a gun.
For the longest time, I didn’t know my sister was communicating with my father. No one told me.
They knew I would not approve.
But I never told my sister not to communicate with him. I just cautioned her.
I don’t run other’s lives.
My father has never attempted to contact me, or I him other than one time and my grandfather would not give me his info.
That conversation went quite badly, my fault mostly.
That was last time I talked with my grandfather.
I wish I could do it over.
But there are things that my entire family has kept secret from me. And things I can’t completely recall that happened to me as a child.
There is no way I can tell you about it all.
I don’t remember and no one has ever told me.
They may not know either.
You have no idea what it is like being me.
You can read X all you desire.
They left us behind, all of them. My father, my grandfather and my grandmother.
And my father, he really did a number on me. All of us, but especially me.
And then they all left.
That, I recall.
And I recall growing up in the projects.
What a life I have survived.
I died a long time ago.
I really did. I remember that too.
You ever seen anyone better than me?
By the time I was 8, I had already survived three attempts in my life, that I can remember.
There were likely more.
There are reasons I don’t have shaky hands. I been there before.